My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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