those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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