Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
