I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
