Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
