What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
