God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
