i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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