I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
