I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
