When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize