Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I smell stomach acid.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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