Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
