there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
