We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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