just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
