I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
