For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
