drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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