I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
