In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
