she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
