My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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