Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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