a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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