dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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