He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
