just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
