Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
