Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
