Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
