sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
