I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
