i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
