I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
