who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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