I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
