A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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