in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
