yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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