i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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