you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
