i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
