I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
