I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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