mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
