I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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