Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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