Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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