If that was your dad, he is hot
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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