I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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