My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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