you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
