She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
True strength comes from lack of pants
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
