My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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