I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
