you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
