Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
