Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
