He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it hurts more in the daytime
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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