He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
send nudes
from the living room?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
