Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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