i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
if only i could text you this smell
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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