So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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