he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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