i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
