i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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