Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
