Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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