i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
