In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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